Article by PeaceTied Hypnosis
NLP is the study of using language to influence people. It’s both an effective communication tool, and pretentious nonsense used by the sleaziest assholes on the planet. Let me explain…
It stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming, which is our first hint at the level of pretentiousness. “Linguistic” because it’s about language, “Programming” like writing computer software, and “Neuro” for brains, as if NLP techniques could reprogram brains the way we program computers (hint: it can’t!). I say “sleazy assholes” because the teachings of NLP have been appropriated by unethical salespeople and predatory people who believe they’ve mastered “seduction.” In many ways, it’s the language patterns used by emotionally abusive people… Manipulative people.
In reality, like any tool, it can be used for good or evil, and as with any field within psychology, there are no guaranteed “works-every-time” rules, merely concepts and principals that tend to have an influencial effect.
NLP evolved out of a similar set of concepts and principals known as the Milton Model, named after the metaphorical father of modern hypnosis, Milton Erickson. Erickson seemed to have an instinctual knowledge of how to influence people, and he used it in his practice to help his patients and to further scientific knowledge of the workings of the human mind. The people around him took notes on how he spoke to the subjects and developed a language model of sorts — a list of concepts and principles distilled out of whatever it was they thought made Milton so effective.
The knowledge of how to influence people should primarily be used to NOT influence people accidently. Communication has weight, metaphorically speaking. Compare the following:
Would you be able to drive me to work on Thursday? If not, that’s fine — I can ask someone else. I know how busy you’ve been lately! Let me know if that will work for you or not.
Or
Hey, you know I’ve been your friend for a long time, and I’ve helped you out a lot, have I not? I need a ride to work on Thursday, and your car isn’t in the shop. Everyone knows friends help each other out, and I’m glad to have you as a friend. What time can you get here?
The above examples are a bit over-the top, but hopefully you can see the difference. In the second example, they start out by creating a sense of debt. Also, ending a sentence with something like “have I not?” Is very confusing (is the answer yes or no?), and causes the thought-patterns to “stumble” a bit, making the person more susceptible to the next thing that’s said. In this case, that’s a statement, not a request. “I need a ride to work.” There’s no way to disagree with that because it’s true. “Your car isn’t in the shop.” Also true. Multiple statements that they agree with makes it harder to disagree with the next one. Then another sentence with “everyone knows…” Which is a sort of ‘expert authority’ backing up the statement, making it even harder to disagree. More guilt and debt added in, and then it ends with “what time can you get here?” which is a question that requires the reader to imagine themselves complying with the request in order to come up with an answer. Once they’ve pictured themselves doing it, it’s harder to say no. And what would they say no to? The only question asked was “when?”
Put together like that, using those techniques makes the person sound like a jerk (quite accurately). When done more gently and appropriately, it’s possible to be used to influence people ethically.
Hey,
friend's name, what time today are you going to do that good habit you told me you’ve been trying to work on?
Grammatically speaking, it’s impossible to answer the question without accepting that you’re going to actually do the thing. That doesn’t mean that they’re now robotically programmed to comply, it means that they’ve (even if just for a moment) mentally accepted that they’ll do it. The rest is up to them.
So please — don’t judge NLP for the way it can be misused by the worst of society. Treat people with respect and use your powers for good. Consent is critical, and words are powerful. But also, take everything it teaches with a grain of salt — minds are complicated. It’s not magic and it’s not “Programming” anything… Even if it is Neuro-Linguistic.
